Story Steppingstones

Generations United, Washington, DC

"A story that captures the bond between a granddaughter and grandmother and shows how love can live on.... A nice story for sharing."

Booklist (American Library Association)

"Surpasses the definition of a 'children's book'.... A life- affirming, soul-satisfying story that speaks to all ages."

Portland Family Magazine

"A simple, yet moving text and extraordinarily real illustrations.... Both touching and life-affirming.... A celebration of love and continuity, this book will be enjoyed by children, parents and grandparents alike."

Children's Book News

Everyone loves a good love story, and that's exactly what Something to Remember Me By is. It's a story about genuine caring, affection, and mutual support over time, the kind of relationship that shows what true love is really all about.

The Legacy Project all began with Something to Remember Me By, a seemingly simple little 32-page picture book about love and legacies across generations. It was inspired by my grandmother (see the "It's a True Story" activity in the Grandparents Day Activity Kit). Since its publication, this book has become a bestseller as it has captured the hearts of children, grandchildren, parents, and grandparents across the country. It has also won six national awards, including a Parents' Choice and the Joan Fassler Award for an Outstanding Contribution to Family.

Something to Remember Me By was purposefully written not just as a "children's book" but as an "intergenerational book" -- one that reaches both children and adults (although on different levels) and prompts discussion and sharing between generations. I use the story all the time in workshops I do with adults and children. After reading the story, children usually ask lots of questions. For adults, the story often evokes emotions and memories. The story serves as an intergenerational catalyst.

There's a line that's repeated in Something to Remember Me By: "She gave her a big, warm smile and a warm, snuggly hug." That's what it's all about, right there, in one sentence. That's the timeless essence of the loving connection we all crave. That's what we all need, whether you're a child or a grown-up. Sometimes I think it's just that simple -- and that's why all generations respond to this story so strongly.

Many schools, seniors groups/facilities, and community groups use Something to Remember Me By for discussion and to set the stage for the activities in the Legacy Project activity kits. You can also use the book as a fundraiser. It's a popular gift book -- for Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Grandparents Day, or any day -- for mothers, grandmothers, and children and grandchildren of all ages. Contact The Communication Project (tcp@tcpnow.com or 1-800-772-7765) for more information on the special fundraising discounts available on the book. Something to Remember Me By is also available in Spanish and French.

Activities using Something to Remember Me By follow; there are more activities you can do with the book in the Grandparents Day Activity Kit and the Holiday Activity Kit.

Activities: A Love Story; Multigenerational Family Photos; Hug Tag; Hug Card; "I Love You" Heart Card; Top 10 Books to Say "I Love You".

   

A Love Story

Connections: Schools (Language Arts); Seniors Groups/Facilities; Families; Community Groups.

What You Need: Copies of Something to Remember Me By.

Doing It:

Something to Remember Me By is a book teachers can use with students -- even teenagers -- to introduce and explore intergenerational themes. It's a book parents and grandparents can cuddle up and share with a child or grandchild. The story is also perfect for sharing with older adults in seniors groups/facilities. It's a special love story that speaks to the connections they may have with grandchildren or young friends. If you're reading the story aloud in a large group, pass out copies of the book so that everyone can look at the illustrations.

The following summary of the plot and themes of Something to Remember Me By helps you lead a discussion about the book. Read the story aloud; then invite comments. Ask open-ended questions (e.g. What did you like about the story? What was your favorite part? What did you feel as you read different parts of the story? Why do you think the relationship between the granddaughter and grandmother was important? What are some of the things the grandmother gave her granddaughter? What are some of the things the granddaughter gave her grandmother?). Also encourage personal memories and reflections (e.g. Does the story remind you of anyone you know? What do you do with your grandparents/grandchildren? Do you have any special keepsakes from your parents or grandparents, or keepsakes that you will pass down to your children or grandchildren?).

The pile of photographs on the book's cover sets the stage for the story. The photos follow the relationship between the two main characters -- a grandmother and her granddaughter -- over time. The large, central image captures the affection in the relationship as grandmother and granddaughter playfully rub noses. The bottom, left photo shows the grandmother cradling her newborn granddaughter. Other photos show the granddaughter at various ages sharing a secret, having a heart-to-heart talk, and giving her grandmother a kiss. Two of the top photos show the relationship in the context of other family members -- with the grandfather, and with the girl's mother.

The story in Something to Remember Me By follows the characters through different stages of their lives. At first, the granddaughter is a little girl. Then she grows into a teenager. By the end of the story, she is a young woman. At the beginning of the story, the grandmother is an active, involved older adult. By the end of the story, she is very, very old. Researchers describe a person's life course in terms of different stages: infant, child, teenager, young adult, middle-aged, young-old, old-old, and oldest-old (defined as those over 85 years).

More than anything else, Something to Remember Me By is a love story. It's a true story about how precious connections across generations can be, especially as we get older, and the special things that young and old can give each other. In the beginning of the story, it's the grandmother who gives all her love and attention to her young granddaughter. Not only does this build a relationship between the two, but it teaches the young girl how to love and be loved. Children learn about love from the adults around them. As the granddaughter grows older, she reciprocates in the relationship and gives to her grandmother -- not out of a sense of obligation, but out of a feeling of love and genuine caring.

The story begins with the happy times the grandmother and her young granddaughter share (pages 4-9). Grandparents (and other older people) are often able to give children an undivided attention and unconditional kind of love they don't get from other relationships. They make children feel special and allow them indulgences. Some examples from the story: "The little girl could have a snack anytime she wanted" (page 4); "And if she spilled her juice, her grandmother would just wipe it up" (page 4); "The little girl could choose whatever she wanted her grandmother to cook for dinner" (page 6).

One of the story's themes is that the more complicated life gets, the more the simple things matter. It's the little things, the simple moments, that make memories. The text and illustrations show the simple things grandmother and granddaughter do together -- arts and crafts, read books, play games, bake cookies, go for walks, take care of errands and chores, talk, watch television. And, of course, there are lots of the grandmother's big, warm smiles and warm, snuggly hugs!

Memories are another theme in the story. One of the best ways to evoke memories is through the senses, particularly taste and smell. So many memories for people involve food. Research shows that many intergenerational memories are made in the kitchen, which is why the book starts with a sunny, warm kitchen scene. The kitchen is often the center of family life. Baking something simple together like cookies (even if you use a mix) is a common intergenerational activity. Family get-togethers often involve special foods, and children enjoy being able to participate in preparations ("grandmother and granddaughter would get ready for a party for friends and relatives" -- page 7).

As the story progresses (pages 10-15), many of the visits end with the grandmother's familiar words, "I want to give you something to remember me by." Then she gives her young granddaughter a small keepsake. This becomes a little tradition, a ritual between grandmother and granddaughter. As happens with most children, not all the gifts are to the granddaughter's taste ("that tablecloth was the one thing the girl thought was really ugly" -- page 13). But, the granddaughter is polite ("she took it and said 'thank you' as always").

An important theme in the story is the give-and-take between generations. Each generation has something to offer the other. At the beginning of the story, the grandmother obviously gets enjoyment from her granddaughter's company. At the same time, she is the one doing most of the conscious giving (e.g. her time, her undivided attention, the small keepsakes). On pages 16-17, she still gives (i.e. attention through her pride in her granddaughter's accomplishments; the needlework cushion keepsake), but we begin to see a shift in the relationship. The granddaughter makes a point of keeping in touch and makes her grandmother happy through frequent telephone calls.

Pages 18-23 are the turning point in the story. The granddaughter clearly and consciously gives to her grandmother. The grandmother is older now and can't do many of the things she once did. Life has brought its changes. The granddaughter supports her grandmother through the major life change of moving from her home. She listens to her grandmother's concerns. She provides comfort and hope in the seemingly small gesture of giving her grandmother the photograph. It is here that the idea of being "remembered" is reversed. Even the layout of pages 22-23 is the exact reverse of pages 10-11. The passing along of the final, major keepsake -- the cedar chest -- symbolizes the major shift in the relationship and the flow of life from one generation to the next. There is a sense of connection to something bigger, to the past and to the future.

When the granddaughter visits her grandmother on pages 24-27, the grandmother isn't well and is very, very old. When the grandmother doesn't recognize her granddaughter, the granddaughter expresses understandable emotions of surprise and sadness. The grandmother later has a moment of seeming recognition. These are the moments of joy you hold on to.

The granddaughter comes to understand at a very personal level what she didn't understand earlier, on page 15 -- what it means to be remembered. We all need to feel like our life matters, that we are important to someone. Whether we are old or young, a basic human need is the need to be loved and to leave a legacy.

Through flowers to brighten her grandmother's room and holding her grandmother's hand, the granddaughter provides small but very important comforts. There is a heartfelt echo from earlier in the story: "You're the best grandmother in the whole world." If you love someone, that doesn't change. The message in the well-worn photograph is that the granddaughter was very important to the grandmother. That is the sort of comfort that both children and adults can hold on to.

On pages 28-29, the granddaughter realizes that although she will always treasure the keepsakes (there's even a perspective shift with age as the tacky tablecloth becomes something treasured -- not because of its intrinsic beauty, but because of what it meant to the grandmother), the most precious gift her grandmother gave her was her love -- and the happy memories it created (represented by the photos on the floor). The keepsakes and the photos also symbolize the spectrum of gifts one generation gives to the next -- from material objects to life experiences and wisdom. And there's a continuity to life as the old cedar chest now sits at the foot of a new bed. Things change, but they also stay the same in some ways.

The final image of the smiling granddaughter (pages 30-31) symbolizes much more than a physical similarity. The granddaughter has her grandmother's "big, warm smile," meaning that who her grandmother was -- loving, warm, full of life -- has, in part, made the granddaughter who she is. The grandmother will always be with her granddaughter. The grandmother's love lives on, and both grandmother and granddaughter are part of a much bigger life connection.

There are some "teachable moments" that frequently come up when I'm sharing the story with children. Many children ask why the characters in Something to Remember Me By don't have names. This can open a discussion about the book's focus on relationships rather than personalities, and about seeing yourself in a story (children can even try reading the story by inserting their own or a friend's name). It's also a good opportunity to explore different literary approaches. Many of the children's books listed at the end of this kit have characters with names, while others don't (e.g. Old Pig by Margaret Wild; The Boy and the Cloth of Dreams by Jenny Koralek; Our Granny by Margaret Wild; Watch the Stars Come Out by Riki Levinson).

When many children read page 15 in Something to Remember Me By ("The girl didn't quite understand"), their immediate response is that they understand. This can open a discussion about what "being remembered" means and the concept of legacy. What is a legacy? Children can look up and compare definitions of the word "legacy" in various dictionaries (in general, the definition of a "legacy" is "a gift left behind" or "something handed down"; the whole idea of legacy is that what is passed to you, you then pass on to the next generation). What, exactly, does the grandmother mean on page 15? How and why are legacies important to both the people who pass them down and the people who receive them? What are the different ways to remember someone? Why do you think it's important to remember people like our grandparents? Why do you think it's important to them to be remembered? In general, why is it important to remember people from long ago? What can learning about them teach us? What legacy would you like to pass along to your children and grandchildren?

The last line on page 29 is, "Her grandmother had given her much more than would ever fit in the cedar chest." What does this mean? What else did the grandmother give her granddaughter? This part of the story can open a discussion about all the things parents and grandparents give us. Sometimes what they give is material. Sometimes they give their time and attention. Sometimes they tell us stories that let us know about our ancestors or teach us about life. What have you learned from your parents, grandparents, or other older adults you know?

For discussion points using the story to discuss aging and the cycle of life, see the Ages & Stages section in the Grandparents Day Activity Kit.

Poet William Stafford once said that the power of stories is that they are about "discovering what the world is trying to be." Something to Remember Me By is about a world in which young and old can build strong, loving connections and create meaningful legacies.

   

Multigenerational Family Photos

Connections: Schools (Social Studies, Health); Seniors Groups/Facilities; Community Groups; Families.

What You Need: Copies of Something to Remember Me By; family photos.

Doing It:

Photos are evocative for both young and old. They carry a lot of meaning and emotion for adults, and even toddlers respond to them. They are also an effective way to show connections across generations.

Explore the role of photos in Something to Remember Me By. Start by looking closely at the book's cover. What's happening in each photograph? Next, where is the pile of photos on the cover found inside the book? (Answer: On the floor on page 28. Also, the middle, right photo on the cover appears in full on page 27.)

Where else in the book do photos appear? (Answer: Pages 7, 9, and 18. Bonus Answer: There are photo packets on page 22; the granddaughter is writing on a photo on page 23; and there's a photo album on the dedication page.) What's in each photo? Why are the photos important?

The photo on page 9 along with the photo in the upper, left-hand corner of the book cover are multigenerational photos (i.e. grandmother, mother, daughter). Something to Remember Me By was inspired by my grandmother. I have a four-generation family photo: my great-grandfather (my grandmother's father), my grandmother, my mother, and a baby me. Before my grandmother died at 102 years of age, there was a family photo taken with five generations: my grandmother, her son, his son, his daughter, and her son (my grandmother's great-great-grandson).

Have everyone bring in and share their multigenerational family photos. How many generations are in one photo? How is everyone related? Do you see similarities between the people in the photo? Who has a photo with the most generations?

A good companion activity is "Genetic Ingredients" in the Connect the Generations section of the Grandparents Day Activity Kit.

   

Hug Tag

Connections: Schools (Physical Education); Community Groups; Seniors Groups/ Facilities.

What You Need: Red object(s) like a flag, sock, or scarf.

Doing It:

There's a line that's repeated in Something to Remember Me By: "She gave her a big, warm smile and a warm, snuggly hug." Hugs are a way to show love, and a way to make people feel loved and cared about. But do you know that research shows that the older people get, the fewer hugs we give them? We give teenagers fewer hugs than toddlers, and older adults fewer hugs than young adults. Everyone needs a hug sometime. So, go ahead, give someone a hug!

Hug tag is a great cooperative game for young children. It can also be an intergenerational game, with children helping older adults (they can push individuals who may be in a wheelchair). All players are involved all of the time, and the message is that we are safe when we are connected to other people.

One or more children start out as "it." They are given a visible red object to hold like a flag, sock, or scarf. The goal is to tag and hug another person and then hand off the red object so that the other person becomes the new "it."

Players are safe from being tagged only when they are in a group being hugged. They can't run away from the people who are "it." Only being in a hug group makes them safe. The maximum allowed number of people in a hug group can be two or three, depending on the total number of people you have playing. When a leader calls out "New Hug," people must leave their hug group, scatter, and find a new hug group with different people. The people who are "it" try to tag and hug someone. Once they hand off the red object, they can't be tagged by the person they just tagged as they try to find a hug group.

After playing for a brief time, change the rules to make things a little more challenging -- groups can only maintain their hug for as long as all the members can hum on one breath. When a group runs out of breath, they must disband and find new people to form a new hug group.

   

Hug Card

Connections: Schools (Art); Families; Community Groups

What You Need: Colored construction paper; scissors; ruler; pencil; pencil crayons and/or markers; yarn; glue. Optional -- compass (to draw a circle); photo of yourself (duplicate or color photocopy).

Doing It:

When people hear that familiar line in Something to Remember Me By -- "She gave her a big, warm smile and a warm, snuggly hug" -- they often feel like they want to hug someone they love.

Explore the different kinds of hugs by reading some storybooks all about hugs: Hug by Jez Alborough; How About a Hug? by Nancy Carlson; A Book of Hugs by Dave Ross.

Here's a card children can make to give a hug to a parent, grandparent, or grandfriend -- even if they don't live nearby. It's also a nice gift for older adults in an assisted living facility or grandfriends participating in an intergenerational program.

Cut out a large circle from construction paper, about 10 inches in diameter. This circle is the head. Make a face on the head that looks like you. You can glue on yarn for hair, and cut pieces out of other colors of construction paper for eyes, a nose, and a smiling mouth. Add other details with pencil crayons and/or markers. Or, you can use an enlarged color photo of your face and stick it onto the circle.

Now trace around both your hands onto construction paper. Cut out each of your hands.

Make a strip of construction paper 18 inches long by 4 inches wide. Lay it down horizontally. Glue the bottom part of your head to the center of the top of the strip of paper (so that the mouth on the face is above the top edge of the strip). The strip of paper now becomes your arms. Glue one hand onto the end of each arm (thumbs up).

Fold over the arms toward the middle of the strip of paper so that the fingers of the hands overlap in the middle. It should look like your arms are giving a hug.

Unfold the arms and write inside the card (on the paper strip, underneath the head), "Here's a BIG hug for you! Love (your name)." Fold the card back up. Now you can send a hug to someone special.

   

"I Love You" Heart Card

Connections: Schools (Math, Art); Families; Community Groups.

What You Need: Copies of key and grid; pink or red construction paper; pencil; ruler; scissors; pencil crayons; glue. Optional -- pieces of shredded, white tissue paper.

Doing It:

On page 17 of Something to Remember Me By, there's an illustration of a needlework heart cushion. It says "I Love You." The design includes a big pink heart with a small purple heart in it, big purple flowers, and a border of tiny pink and purple flowers. My grandmother actually gave me a cushion like the one in the book. I still have it and it's a very special keepsake. She got the idea for the design from a Valentine's Day card I sent her one year. My grandmother loved to receive cards, and I would spend a lot of time finding special cards that I knew she would like. My grandmother always loved needlework, so the moment I saw the card with the simulated needlework design I knew she would like it. Little did I know that she would surprise me by making a real needlework heart cushion using the design from the card.

Where else in Something to Remember Me By does needlework appear? (Answer: Page 10, on wall; and page 19, on wall and on rocking chair. Bonus: Endpapers, jacket flaps.)

Not only adults can do needlework. 150 years ago, children practiced needlework skills and learned their alphabet and numbers all in one activity. They would cross-stitch letters and numbers onto cloth. Cross-stitch needlework is basically a series of "X's" made out of thread and arranged into different patterns.

Children can simulate cross-stitch, develop their graphing/math skills, and make an attractive card for a parent, grandparent, or grandfriend.

Start with the grid supplied. A coordinate grid is made up of intersecting vertical and horizontal lines. Numbers along the side and bottom of the grid help you locate specific squares. The origin is at 0. To indicate a specific square, you use two numbers -- one to indicate how many units to the right from the origin a square is, and the other to indicate how many units up from the origin a square is. For example, the coordinate pair (8,12) means the square is eight units to the right and then twelve units up. The coordinate pair (4,9) means the square four units to the right and then nine units up.

Use the key supplied to create a special "I Love You" heart design similar to the one on the heart cushion in Something to Remember Me By. Use a ruler to make it easier to keep track of where you are on the grid (or you can use the corner of a sheet of paper). In each square, make a thick, pencil crayon "X" in the color indicated. This will make your design look like cross-stitch needlework.

Once you're finished, cut out the heart shape and glue it onto pink or red construction paper. Place it at a bit of an angle, toward the top of your sheet. Then, at the bottom of your sheet, write who your card is to and who it's from (with love, of course!).

If you like, you can simulate lace by outlining the edge of the heart with a line of white glue and then placing small pieces of shredded, white tissue paper side-by-side around the heart.

You can also get a REAL heart cushion inspired by the one in Something to Remember Me By -- available as a special gift set.

Connections: Schools (Language Arts); Families; Community Groups; Seniors Groups/Facilities.

What You Need: Copies of "Top 10 Books" sheet (you can circulate it to children, parents, and grandparents); books suggested.

Doing It:

When people hear the word "love" they often think of romantic love. But there are many kinds of love -- love between parent and child, grandparent and grandchild, siblings, and even friends.

Books are a great way to say "I love you." Picture books often take a message and put it into a beautifully illustrated, powerful yet compact form. Share picture books with young children, teenagers, young adults, and older adults. I like to give picture books as gifts instead of cards. You can give them to anyone -- adult to child, child to adult, adult to adult. They are an art form appropriate for all ages. Books are also more lasting than a store-bought greeting card; a card will probably end up in the garbage or stuffed in the back of a drawer, while a book is something you can read over and over again.

To explore love in general, take a look at these great picture books: Love Letters by Arnold Adoff; Consider Love: Its Moods and Many Ways by Sandra Boynton; Love Is... by Wendy Anderson Halperin.

Then, use the "Top 10 Books" sheet to explore different kinds of loving relationships -- and as an idea source for picture books to give as gifts to everyone you love. Feel free to circulate the sheet to friends, family, and colleagues.