Something to Remember Me By:
Start With Story

Generations United, Washington, DC

"A story that captures the bond between a granddaughter and grandmother and shows how love can live on.... A nice story for sharing."

Booklist (American Library Association)

"Surpasses the definition of a 'children's book'.... A life- affirming, soul-satisfying story that speaks to all ages."

Portland Family Magazine

"A simple, yet moving text and extraordinarily real illustrations.... Both touching and life-affirming.... A celebration of love and continuity, this book will be enjoyed by children, parents and grandparents alike."

Children's Book News

The Legacy Project all began with Something to Remember Me By, a seemingly simple little 32-page picture book about love and legacies across generations. It was inspired by my grandmother. Since its publication, this book has become a bestseller as it has captured the hearts of children, grandchildren, parents, and grandparents across the country. It has also won six national awards, including the Joan Fassler Award for an Outstanding Contribution to Family and a Parents' Choice.

Something to Remember Me By was purposefully written not just as a "children's book" but as an "intergenerational book" -- one that reaches both children and adults (although on different levels) and prompts discussion and sharing between generations. I use the story all the time in workshops I do with adults and children. After reading the story, children usually ask lots of questions. For adults, the story often evokes emotions and memories. The story serves as an intergenerational catalyst.

There's a line that's repeated in Something to Remember Me By: "She gave her a big, warm smile and a warm, snuggly hug." That's what it's all about, right there, in one sentence. That's the timeless essence of the connection we all crave. That's what we all need, whether you're a child or a grown-up. Sometimes I think it's just that simple -- and that's why all generations respond to this story so strongly.

Many schools, seniors groups/facilities, and community groups use Something to Remember Me By for discussion and to set the stage for the activities in the Legacy Project activity kits. You can also use the book as a fundraiser. It's a popular gift book -- for the Holidays, Mother's Day, Grandparents Day, or any day -- for mothers, grandmothers, and children and grandchildren of all ages. Contact The Communication Project (tcp@tcpnow.com or 1-800-772-7765) for more information on the special fundraising discounts available on the book. Something to Remember Me By is also available in Spanish and French.

Activities using Something to Remember Me By follow; there are more activities you can do with the book in the Grandparents Day Activity Kit.

Activities: Themes of Love, Legacies, and Keepsakes; Simple Rituals; Keepsake Connections; I Opened the Cedar Chest and Inside I Found...; Kitchen Memories.

 

Themes of Love, Legacies, and Keepsakes

Connections: Schools (Language Arts); Seniors Groups/Facilities; Families; Community Groups.

What You Need: Copies of Something to Remember Me By.

Doing It:

Something to Remember Me By is a book teachers can use with students -- even teenagers -- to introduce and explore intergenerational themes. It's a book parents and grandparents can cuddle up with over the holidays with a child or grandchild. Many grandparents give the book to grandchildren as a holiday gift, often with a personal keepsake. Many seniors facilities run special holiday events, and the story is perfect for reading aloud -- even to older adults with some cognitive impairment -- as a touching tribute to what older adults mean to the people who love them. If you're reading the story in a large group, pass out copies of the book so that everyone can look at the illustrations.

The following summary of the plot and themes of Something to Remember Me By helps you lead a discussion about the book. Read the story aloud; then invite comments. Ask open-ended questions (e.g. What did you like about the story? What was your favorite part? What did you feel as you read different parts of the story? Why do you think the relationship between the granddaughter and grandmother was important? What are some of the things the grandmother gave her granddaughter? What are some of the things the granddaughter gave her grandmother?). Also encourage personal memories and reflections (e.g. Does the story remind you of anyone you know? What do you do with your grandparents/grandchildren? Do you have any special keepsakes from your parents or grandparents, or keepsakes that you will pass down to your children or grandchildren?).

More than anything else, Something to Remember Me By is a celebration of love and legacies across generations. It's a true story about how precious connections across generations can be, especially as we get older, and the special things that young and old can give each other.

The pile of photographs on the book's cover sets the stage for the story. The photos follow the relationship between the two main characters -- a grandmother and her granddaughter -- over time. The large, central image captures the affection in the relationship as grandmother and granddaughter playfully rub noses. The bottom, left photo shows the grandmother cradling her newborn granddaughter. Other photos show the granddaughter at various ages sharing a secret, having a heart-to-heart talk, and giving her grandmother a kiss. Two of the top photos show the relationship in the context of other family members -- with the grandfather, and with the girl's mother. The middle, left photo captures one of the most common grandparent/grandchild interactions -- talking on the telephone.

The story in Something to Remember Me By follows the characters through different stages of their life. At first, the granddaughter is a little girl. Then she grows into a teenager. By the end of the story, she is a young woman. At the beginning of the story, the grandmother is an active, involved older adult. By the end of the story, she is very, very old. Researchers describe a person's life course in terms of different stages: infant, child, teenager, young adult, middle-aged, young-old, old-old, and oldest-old (defined as those over 85 years).

The story begins with the happy times the grandmother and her young granddaughter share (pages 4-9). Grandparents (and other older people) are often able to give children an undivided attention and unconditional kind of love they don't get from other relationships. They make children feel special and allow them indulgences. Some examples from the story: "The little girl could have a snack anytime she wanted" (page 4); "And if she spilled her juice, her grandmother would just wipe it up" (page 4); "The little girl could choose whatever she wanted her grandmother to cook for dinner" (page 6).

One of the story's themes is that the more complicated life gets, the more the simple things matter. It's the little things, the simple moments, that make memories. The text and illustrations show the simple things grandmother and granddaughter do together -- arts and crafts, read books, play games, bake cookies, go for walks, take care of errands and chores, talk, watch television. There are also family gatherings, during special times like holidays, when "the little girl would figure out exactly the right place to put each shiny spoon and knife and fork" (page 7). And, of course, there are lots of the grandmother's big, warm smiles and warm, snuggly hugs!

Memories are another theme in the story. One of the best ways to evoke memories is through the senses, particularly taste and smell. So many memories for people involve food. Research shows that many intergenerational memories are made in the kitchen, which is why the book starts with a sunny, warm kitchen scene. The kitchen is often the center of family life. Baking something simple together like cookies (even if you use a mix) is a common intergenerational activity. Family get-togethers often involve special foods, and children enjoy being able to participate in preparations ("grandmother and granddaughter would get ready for a party for friends and relatives" -- page 7).

As the story progresses (pages 10-15), many of the visits end with the grandmother's familiar words, "I want to give you something to remember me by." Then she gives her young granddaughter a small keepsake. This becomes a little tradition, a ritual between grandmother and granddaughter. As happens with most children, not all the gifts are to the granddaughter's taste ("that tablecloth was the one thing the girl thought was really ugly" -- page 13). But, the granddaughter is polite ("she took it and said 'thank you' as always").

An important theme in the story is the give-and-take between generations. Each generation has something to offer the other. At the beginning of the story, the grandmother obviously gets enjoyment from her granddaughter's company. At the same time, she is the one doing most of the conscious giving (e.g. her time, her undivided attention, the small keepsakes). On pages 16-17, she still gives (i.e. attention through her pride in her granddaughter's accomplishments; the needlework cushion keepsake), but we begin to see a shift in the relationship. The granddaughter makes a point of keeping in touch and makes her grandmother happy through frequent telephone calls.

Pages 18-23 are the turning point in the story. The granddaughter clearly and consciously gives to her grandmother. The grandmother is older now and can't do many of the things she once did. Life has brought its changes. The granddaughter supports her grandmother through the major life change of moving from her home. She listens to her grandmother's concerns. She provides comfort and hope in the seemingly small gesture of giving her grandmother the photograph. It is here that the idea of being "remembered" is reversed. Even the layout of pages 22-23 is the exact reverse of pages 10-11. The passing along of the final, major keepsake -- the cedar chest -- symbolizes the major shift in the relationship and the flow of life from one generation to the next. There is a sense of connection to something bigger, to the past and to the future.

When the granddaughter visits her grandmother on pages 24-27, the grandmother isn't well and is very, very old. When the grandmother doesn't recognize her granddaughter, the granddaughter expresses understandable emotions of surprise and sadness. The grandmother later has a moment of seeming recognition. These are the moments of joy you hold on to.

The granddaughter comes to understand at a very personal level what she didn't understand earlier, on page 15 -- what it means to be remembered. We all need to feel like our life matters, that we are important to someone. Whether we are old or young, a basic human need is the need to be loved and to leave a legacy.

Through flowers to brighten her grandmother's room and holding her grandmother's hand, the granddaughter provides small but very important comforts. There is a heartfelt echo from earlier in the story: "You're the best grandmother in the whole world." If you love someone, that doesn't change. The message in the well-worn photograph is that the granddaughter was very important to the grandmother. That is the sort of comfort that both children and adults can hold on to.

On pages 28-29, the granddaughter realizes that although she will always treasure the keepsakes (there's even a perspective shift with age as the tacky tablecloth becomes something treasured -- not because of its intrinsic beauty, but because of what it meant to the grandmother), the most precious gift her grandmother gave her was her love -- and the happy memories it created (represented by the photos on the floor). The keepsakes and the photos also symbolize the spectrum of gifts one generation gives the next -- from material objects to life experiences and wisdom. And there's a continuity to life as the old cedar chest now sits at the foot of a new bed. Things change, but they also stay the same in some ways.

The final image of the smiling granddaughter (pages 30-31) symbolizes much more than a physical similarity. The granddaughter has her grandmother's "big, warm smile," meaning that who her grandmother was -- loving, warm, full of life -- has, in part, made the granddaughter who she is. The grandmother will always be with her granddaughter. The grandmother's love lives on, and both grandmother and granddaughter are part of a much bigger life connection.

There are some "teachable moments" that frequently come up when I'm sharing the story with children. Many children ask why the characters in Something to Remember Me By don't have names. This can open a discussion about the book's focus on relationships rather than personalities, and about seeing yourself in a story (children can even try reading the story by inserting their own or a friend's name). It's also a good opportunity to explore different literary approaches. Many of the children's books listed at the end of this kit have characters with names, while others don't. Some books you may want to explore: Old Pig by Margaret Wild; The Boy and the Cloth of Dreams by Jenny Koralek; Our Granny by Margaret Wild; Watch the Stars Come Out by Riki Levinson.

When many children read page 15 in Something to Remember Me By ("The girl didn't quite understand"), their immediate response is that they understand. This can open a discussion about what "being remembered" means and the concept of legacy. What is a legacy? Children can look up and compare definitions of the word "legacy" in various dictionaries (in general, the definition of a "legacy" is "a gift left behind" or "something handed down"; the whole idea of legacy is that what is passed to you, you then pass on to the next generation). What, exactly, does the grandmother mean on page 15? How and why are legacies important to both the people who pass them down and the people who receive them? What are the different ways to remember someone? Why do you think it's important to remember people like our grandparents? Why do you think it's important to them to be remembered? In general, why is it important to remember people from long ago? What can learning about them teach us? What legacy would you like to pass along to your children and grandchildren?

The last line on page 29 is, "Her grandmother had given her much more than would ever fit in the cedar chest." What does this mean? What else did the grandmother give her granddaughter? This part of the story can open a discussion about all the things parents and grandparents give us. Sometimes what they give is material. Sometimes they give their time and attention. Sometimes they tell us stories that let us know about our ancestors or teach us about life. What have you learned from your parents, grandparents, or other older adults you know?

For discussion points using the story to discuss aging and the cycle of life, see the Ages & Stages section in the Grandparents Day Activity Kit.

Poet William Stafford once said that the power of stories is that they are about "discovering what the world is trying to be." Something to Remember Me By is about a world in which young and old can build strong connections and create meaningful legacies.

  

Simple Rituals

Connections: Schools (Social Studies, Language Arts); Seniors Groups/Facilities; Families; Community Groups.

What You Need: Copies of Something to Remember Me By; paper; pen/pencil.

Doing It:

What is a ritual? Why are traditions and rituals important? You may want to read The Magic of Traditions & Rituals section in this kit.

What are the rituals in Something to Remember Me By? Many of the visits between grandmother and granddaughter end with the grandmother's words, "I want to give you something to remember me by." Then she gives her young granddaughter a small keepsake. This becomes a tradition, a ritual between grandmother and granddaughter. It's also implied that the granddaughter regularly tells her grandmother, "You're the best grandmother in the whole world!" This is another little ritual.

Make a list of all the rituals in your life, things you regularly do with your family and can count on. Do you have rituals with your parents and grandparents, or children and grandchildren? Perhaps you wave good-bye from the same window, or have a regular Friday evening date for pizza. Do you have holiday rituals? Do you have daily rituals? Daily rituals can be very ordinary, like a parent reading a story to a child before bed every night. Why are rituals important in your life?

For other activities related to rituals, see the Memories & Traditions section of this kit.

Connections: Schools (Language Arts); Families; Community Groups.

What You Need: Copies of Something to Remember Me By; paper; pen/pencil.

Doing It:

Keepsakes play a key role in Something to Remember Me By. Some of the keepsakes were changed a little for the story, but most of them I really did get from my grandmother -- even the tacky tablecloth! I still have all the keepsakes she gave me. And the cedar chest sits in my bedroom, at the foot of my bed.

Start by closely examining pages 12-13. How many keepsakes can you see? What are they? Make a list of all the keepsakes in the story.

There are eleven keepsakes in Something to Remember Me By: wooden doll; stuffed bear; flute; coin; figurine; pen; watch; picture frame; tablecloth; heart cushion; cedar chest. Where did each gift come from? Make up stories about how and why the grandmother gives her granddaughter each keepsake. Some ideas to get you started: The figurine of the boy and small puppy (page 13) appears earlier on page 9; maybe it was the granddaughter's favorite and so the grandmother passed it down to her. The white bear on page 12 appears on the book cover on page 4; maybe the girl liked the bear character in the book and so the grandmother bought her a stuffed one. Maybe the watch belonged to the girl's grandfather. Maybe the grandmother was born in another country and the coin came from that country.

For other activities related to keepsakes, see the Crafts & Keepsake Gifts section of this kit.

 

I Opened the Cedar Chest and Inside I Found...

Connections: Schools (History, Language Arts); Seniors Groups/Facilities; Families; Community Groups.

What You Need: Copies of Something to Remember Me By; copy of "Ads for Lane Cedar Chests Through the Years"; paper; pen/pencil.

Doing It:

Do you know what a cedar chest is? Do you or does someone in your family have one? Where did it come from? What does it contain? What does it mean to you?

Find all the places in Something to Remember Me By where the cedar chest appears. (Answer: title page, dedication page, 11, 19, 20, 22, and 28. Bonus Answer: the page border design is based on the lid and bottom wood carving of the cedar chest.) The cedar chest is closed on the title page and open on the dedication page. Why? How does this relate to the story? Why is the cedar chest an important part of the story?

A cedar chest is a unique piece of furniture. It carries a lot of emotion. A chair is usually just a place you sit, and a table is a functional piece of furniture you eat on. But a cedar chest is special. The cedar chest is one of the most precious keepsakes I have from my grandmother. My grandfather actually gave my grandmother the chest, and then she passed it down to me. My grandmother assigned a special piece of furniture to each of her children and grandchildren. From the time I was five years old, my grandmother would tell me that some day the cedar chest would be mine. And I took care of it! I might have bumped into the other pieces of furniture in my grandmother's house, but I was always extra careful around that cedar chest. The cedar chest is special to me not only because it's a beautiful piece of furniture and a keepsake from my grandmother, but also because of all the keepsakes it holds. It really is a "treasure chest." A cedar chest is a safe place to hold some of your most important and special treasures. For example, my grandmother used to do a lot of needlework, and I have so many beautiful things that she made by hand. Sometimes, when I'm feeling down, I visit my cedar chest and all the wonderful memories it holds cheer me up.

Historically, cedar chests were sold as romantic wedding gifts and as "hope chests" for young women to keep special items in anticipation of their marriage. Today, cedar chests are decorative and functional pieces of furniture that are also a place to hold a lifetime of a family's memories, protected and ready to be passed on to the next generation.

The Lane Furniture company is the largest manufacturer of cedar chests. Compare their ads from the past to their present-day ads. What do you think of the ads? How have they changed over the years? Who do you think bought cedar chests in the past? Who do you think buys them now?

In 1912, John Lane attended a bankruptcy auction in Altavista, Virginia and bought a small packing box plant for $500. A former furniture manufacturer there had told John that cedar chests were his most profitable item. So, John suggested that his son, Edward Hudson Lane, try his hand at starting a chest factory. Ed Lane was just 21, had no manufacturing experience, and had never even heard of a cedar chest. But he jumped in enthusiastically. His first cedar chest was priced at $19 -- and you could buy it for $1 down and $1 a week after that.

The company's initial years were difficult. The product was crude, production methods were basic, there really weren't any sales people, and financing was in a nearly constant state of crisis, or as Ed later related, "we were only one jump ahead of the sheriff most of the time." But by the time John Lane died in 1930, Ed's plant was turning out between 250 and 300 cedar chests per day. John had been amazed that they could keep selling as many chests as they produced.

When the US went into World War I in 1917, the chest company found itself in the position of either going out of business or manufacturing something that would contribute to the war effort. The plant began production of pine ammunition boxes. It was during this time that Ed learned a valuable lesson about assembly line production and efficiency.

1922 was a turning point for the company. Lane began advertising its cedar chests nationally. One of its first ads was a black & white, two-page ad that appeared in The Saturday Evening Post. Cedar chests became a symbol of romance -- as authentic a symbol of romance as the wedding ring.

When the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor and the US entered World War II, Lane tried to find its place in the "work or fight" defense program of the time. Government officials who came to inspect the Lane plant to determine what should be made there decided that the cedar chest production line was so efficient that it could continue on the condition that additional facilities be built for the war effort materials. Under the usual wartime restrictions on use of metal, glue, and for a time even wood, cedar chest production continued along with production to fill government orders for aircraft plywood, wood plane tail assemblies, landing craft parts, dog sleds, and wood glider wings.

Wartime letters from servicemen who wanted to have cedar chests sent to girlfriends or wives prompted Lane, through its national advertising, to set up a network between servicemen, a special Lane correspondence staff, home-town stores, and the "girls back home." This boosted the morale of both servicemen and their families. In 1943, in Life and The Saturday Evening Post, Lane ran the ad with the headline, "What does a fighting man dream about? He thinks of his enemy, but dreams of the girl back home." The idea of a cedar chest as a "hope chest" was born.

Edward Hudson Lane died in 1973, just over 60 years from the time he went to Altavista to start the cedar chest factory. In that time he created an American tradition. Today, cedar chests are collectibles and are given as gifts for holidays, weddings, birthdays, graduations, and anniversaries.

Try your hand at writing a short story that starts with the phrase, "I opened the cedar chest and inside I found...". Let your imagination go. What kinds of things would you keep in a cedar chest? What do you think your parents or grandparents, or children or grandchildren might keep in one?

Variation: Children can make up silly cedar chest stories. For example, what might Santa keep in his cedar chest? What about Dracula? Madonna? The Queen of England? Harry Potter?

  

Kitchen Memories

Connections: Schools (Art, Social Studies, Language Arts); Seniors Groups/Facilities; Families; Community Groups.

What You Need: Copies of Something to Remember Me By (or photocopy and distribute the black & white version of the kitchen illustration); paper; pencil crayons and/or markers.

Doing It:

A great intergenerational activity is to have young and old compare kitchens of the past with kitchens of the present. Research shows it's not the living room or dining room that's the best place in the house to make a cozy intergenerational connection. It's the kitchen. Yes, the kitchen is a bit of a "grandma-and-cookies" stereotype. But, both adults and children tend to be most relaxed and receptive in the kitchen. We smell and taste in the kitchen; we talk about and learn things in the kitchen.

Use the first illustration in Something to Remember Me By as a starting point for discussing kitchen memories. The illustrations in Something to Remember Me By were painted using watercolors and casein on a 100% rag, cold press surface illustration board. Watercolor is made up of powder color bound with gum arabic and glycerine. It is a transparent medium applied with water. Casein is a water-based paint that dries semi-waterproof. Painting emphasizes the use of color to convey meaning and emotion. What are the dominant colors in Something to Remember Me By? Why are they appropriate for the story? Do the illustrations look unrealistic and dreamlike, or the way things really look in the world? Why is this style appropriate for the story?

Both young and old love the big, sunny, bright, warm kitchen illustration that starts Something to Remember Me By. So many people at my readings and workshops say it looks "exactly" like their grandmother's kitchen! What do you see in the kitchen? What is the grandmother doing? What is the granddaughter doing? What was the granddaughter doing just before she started her current task? How does the kitchen look like your kitchen? How does it look different? What appliances and utensils did kitchens of the past have? What appliances and utensils do they have now?

A mixed group of children and adults, including grandparents or older adults in a local seniors group/facility, can talk about what their kitchen (or mother or grandmother's kitchen) looks or looked like. Describe the kitchens in great detail. Each person should take the group on a "mind tour" through their kitchen. Where is the doorway? Where is the table? The stove? The refrigerator? Is there a window? Describe the items in the kitchen, furniture, appliances, colors, smells. What do you remember about special times spent in a family kitchen?

Then, everyone can get creative and draw their kitchens. For older adults with limited physical ability, young people can follow instructions an older person gives on how to draw the kitchen they remember.