Encourage hopes and dreams

Milestones are those moments in our life when our personal star shines more brightly in the sky. They mark the passage of time and our progress in the journey of life. They are a chance to enjoy the love and attention of family and friends, to celebrate achievements, and look toward the future with hope.

Graduation is a key milestone in personal and social development. It marks the completion of a course of study. Graduation is a time for the graduate to be proud that they made it! It's a time to celebrate accomplishments – both academic and personal – and hopes and dreams for the future.

According to the US Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics, over 5 million young people will graduate this Spring, most in May and June, and most from high school followed closely by college and university.

A graduation gift is an important and special keepsake, particularly as the years pass. The best gifts are those that encourage a graduate's hopes and dreams. This guide offers some meaningful, memorable gift ideas.

But first, a quick look at rites of passage and the history of graduation...

The Importance of Rites of Passage

A rite of passage – a ritual or ceremony that marks the movement from one stage of life to another – has important emotional and social functions. It celebrates accomplishments and knowledge gained; it acknowledges new responsibilities and opportunities; it adjusts the young person and their family to these changes; it establishes a sense of connectedness with the flow of time and the larger community.

From early African rituals focusing on strength and fertility to the Jewish bar mitzvah, cultures have found ways to mark an individual's passage from one stage of life into another. As the world continues to change so dramatically, rites of passage become even more important. They are also more challenging.

When, exactly, do young people "come of age" in our society? When they can drive? Drink? Vote? When they graduate from high school? College? Move out of the house? Get married? Have children? In a diverse society, transitions and rituals are not as clearly prescribed as they once were and there is no single way to identify or mark a transition. We can lose the opportunity for a sense of completion, accomplishment, and a smooth transition. All too often, even when coming-of-age rituals are enacted, they proceed by rote and leave young people unmoved and unchanged. Without appropriate rites of passage, teens and young people feel a void in their lives.

Young people have a particularly strong need to find their way and their niche, and without adult or societal direction, they can be left feeling unconnected and unfocussed. If parents – and grandparents – don't help guide their children into adulthood, they shouldn't be surprised if their kids never get there. It's so easy to get lost in the arduous journey, and if you don't have a compass and a clear idea of the terrain, you'll be more easily led down less-desirable paths or wander around aimlessly.

Celebrating milestones along the way to adulthood helps parents and grandparents strengthen their relationship with their children and grandchildren. Because change is one of the few constants in modern life, teaching young people how to handle transitions in a courageous, creative way and move toward the future gives them an important life skill. Thoughtful rituals can not only help young people enjoy an experience and feel a sense of achievement, but can help them develop the tools and instincts to fashion meaningful rituals of their own for major transitions like marriage, the birth of children, career upheavals, middle age, and even death.

A ritual has three general parts: preparation, action, and celebration – basically, a beginning, a middle, and an end. An event like a graduation ceremony followed by a family dinner is a chance for people to get together, to stop for a moment and focus on accomplishments achieved and hopes yet to be fulfilled, and to find comfort and inspiration at an emotional level. Change and growth obviously can't be encapsulated in a single day, but a formal event gives symbolic representation to moving forward. Graduation is the culmination of so much that is intensely personal. It's also a time when personal achievement is publicly recognized, and so it means something to the individual and at the same time connects the individual to the community. A young person is crossing a threshold that many before have crossed and many after will cross. It's one of those moments that brings together both our commonalities and our uniqueness.

A Brief History of Graduation

The one big moment you look forward to during all those years when you're in school? Graduating!

Today, young people graduate from college or university, high school, junior high or middle school, elementary school and even kindergarten. Quipped one parent, "My son is five years old and has had his second graduation in two years, this time from kindergarten. If this keeps up, he'll eventually learn to march single-file."

The graduation ceremony has many historical traditions associated with it, which helps make it special and meaningful. Graduation ceremonies were first held by European universities in the Middle Ages. Early degree ceremonies took place in the mid-12th century at the University of Bologna and, soon after, at Paris, Oxford, and Cambridge. Harvard was the first American university to hold a commencement ceremony in 1642.

American educational institutions still have many European graduation customs. As part of the ceremony, graduates march single file to a stage, often with formal musical accompaniment. Each graduate walks across the stage, is handed their diploma, flips the tassel on their cap from the right to the left (to signify a graduate), and receives a handshake from a university official. Graduates wear academic gowns and caps. By tradition, gowns are long and black, fashioned after the everyday dress worn by members of the academic community in medieval Europe. The majority of scholars then were churchmen and their dress was often strictly regulated by the church. The tasseled, square, flat black caps are called mortarboards. The color of the tassel that graduates transfer from right to left shows the kind of degree the graduate is receiving. Graduates may wear colored hoods on their backs to show the highest degree they already hold, and the institution that conferred it.

Diplomas and yearbooks are important keepsakes that are part of graduation. A diploma includes the date, graduate's full name, institution, and the type of degree. Until about 100 years ago, diplomas were made from paper-thin sheepskin, handwritten, rolled and tied with a ribbon. When papermaking techniques improved, diplomas began being printed on parchment.

The yearbook has evolved over many centuries. In the 1600s, students filled blank pages of scrapbooks with newspaper clippings, personal notes, dried flowers, and hair clippings. In 1806, the first college yearbook – which looked like a photo album – was published by Yale. In 1845, the first high school yearbook was published in Waterville, NY; it was called "The Evergreen." The modern yearbook was born in 1880 as improvements in printing made it affordable. In 1986, schools began using computers and desktop publishing to make their own yearbooks. Some yearbooks today are even available on CD.

A Dream Gift

A gift can be an important part of the graduation ritual itself and it can become a treasured keepsake as the years pass. Especially since it's marking a key life milestone, you want something lasting and meaningful. The gift should have one eye on the past and the other on the future.

An ideal graduation gift has four attributes: 1) emotional value/meaning; 2) usefulness; 3) lastingness;
4) convenience/small size (so that it can be easily transported with the young person).

Books fit the bill for the ideal graduation gift. A book is something with meaning that will last. It sits shining on a bookshelf to be picked up when comfort or inspiration is needed, or when a loving memory needs to be evoked. Children's books are particularly popular choices as a graduation gift because they are often beautifully produced and encapsulate a heartfelt message. A children's book can provide the meaningful words so necessary to ritual. There has to be some simple way to express the moment, and children's books can do that brilliantly.

Dream – the title itself is a hopeful invitation to the potential of the future! – is a meaningful, beautiful graduation gift book. Dream: A Tale of Wonder, Wisdom & Wishes (Susan V. Bosak, TCP Press) has won 11 national awards and is illustrated by 15 top world illustrators – including two-time Caldecott Medal winners Leo and Diane Dillon.

CM Review describes Dream as "a book you can pin a dream on! A worthy rival to Dr. Seuss's Oh, the Places You'll Go! as a favorite milestone gift book."

Says The Bloomsbury Review, "Dream is an elegant book that depicts the journey of life – from infancy to adulthood – highlighting all the hopes and dreams found along the way... Inspirational quotes from people such as Martin Luther King Jr, Sir Edmund Hillary, and Emily Dickinson are set alongside gorgeous illustrations by internationally acclaimed artists. Richly crafted and thoughtfully written, Dream is a dazzling project that challenges us to find a dream and follow it."

As a graduation gift, Dream is a beautiful book with a timeless message about living and dreaming. Each illustrator has also hidden a star in their illustration, so the book is evocative in encouraging readers to hunt for the stars and make a new wish with each one they find! This is a fun, whimsical way to show a graduate that you encourage their hopes and goals for the life ahead of them.

Encouraging and supporting a graduate's dreams and goals should, in fact, be the key criteria of any graduation gift. Every one of us needs a dream – dreams give young people direction, and give us all hope. The most precious gift anyone can receive is the support from family and friends so essential to moving forward, going after dreams, and achieving them.

Here are some creative ideas for personalizing a gift of the Dream book for a high school or university graduate:

• Each illustrator in Dream has hidden a star in their illustration. Use each star as inspiration to make a series of cut-out star "wishing notes," each with a special personal thought or quotation. Bind the notes together with ribbon to create a personalized keepsake.
  
  
• Design a personal graduation diploma to go with the institutional one. Use evocative phrases, favorite quotations, and family photos to illustrate the graduate's past achievements and future goals. As an alternative, share a short, vivid memory or story about the graduate in the center of the personal diploma. Once you create your personal diploma, have it framed.
  
  
• Dream follows the course of a life from infancy to older adulthood. Verbally or in writing, share a personal anecdote from your own life or the graduate's growing years that illustrates something you value or a character trait you feel is important for achieving goals. What strengths or achievements – big or small – can you share? Don't forget to express how they make you feel about the graduate and the life ahead of them.
  
  
• Since an important part of the ritual of graduation is the preparation and anticipation, send the graduate a series of cards leading up to the graduation ceremony. Each card can reflect one stage of life – infant, toddler, child, teen, and so on. Share special memories and your hopes and feelings evoked by thinking about that life stage. When graduation day arrives, present the Dream book as a way to tie together all the cards and complete the set.
  
  
• Use the themes in Dream to inspire you to share your heartfelt feelings and thoughts about how to attain life dreams. You can share your thoughts by making a speech during a family dinner. Or write a letter on special stationery that can be read and re-read by the graduate over the years. Possible topics include: the importance of setting goals and making smart choices; balancing the fun of childhood with the responsibilities of adulthood; learning from mistakes; never giving up on a dream; finding inspiration in the world around you; creating a personal set of values to live by; never forgetting your roots; focusing on the important things in life; setting high, yet realistic expectations.
  
  
• Create a hopes and dreams collage, with personal photographs celebrating a graduate's past achievements and images from magazines symbolizing future goals. Each page in Dream has an inspiring quotation from a historical leader, innovator, or achiever. Select some of the quotes and include them in the collage. You can even include the last definition of "dream" that appears on the title page: "Live with a sense of meaning that fills your mind, makes your feet dance, and stirs your soul to soar" (Susan V. Bosak). You can also include a quote or two that's special to you, that encapsulates values or character traits you think are important, or that you've found inspiration in through the years.
  
  
• The story in Dream begins at the end of the rainbow with the Dream Chest, a magical portal between what is and what can be. Give the graduate a special chest or homemade box to store their memories and keepsakes.
  
  
• One of the illustrations in Dream shows famous people throughout history like Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, and William Shakespeare. What historical figure do you think the graduate would admire and could learn from? Perhaps someone in a field the graduate is interested in? Buy a detailed biography of that person to go with the Dream book – making the gift set a gift of "inspiration and information." We can learn a great deal about life in general and our own goals from the lives of those who have come before us.
  
  
• The quotations on each page in Dream are intended as "echoes across time" from accomplished individuals who can serve as role models and offer wisdom and inspiration. Arrange calls, visits, or notes from people the graduate admires – a former coach or teacher, a local community leader or sports star – encouraging the graduate to reach for their dreams and affirming their ability to achieve them. Mentors and social support go a long way to attaining our dreams.

Dream is an appropriate gift for graduates of all ages, "little people" and "big people." Today, younger children often formally graduate from elementary and middle school. One idea is to give a copy of Dream and start a family tradition that will lead up to graduation from high school and college. At the end of each school year, work with your child to write a letter about what happened during the school year, special memories, successes, and failures. Save the letters and present them to your child upon graduation from high school or college. Or, each year have their teacher write a short note on the endpapers of Dream. When your child graduates from high school or university, they will have a keepsake full of dreams and good wishes!

For great ideas to mark the end-of-school-year milestone, check out the Begin and End With a Dream activities.

More Graduation Gift Ideas

Encouraging and supporting a graduate's dreams is one of the best gifts you can give. Dream helps you express the spirit of that gift. You can accompany the book with more tangible items to help the graduate achieve their dreams and begin a new stage of their life.

The first step is to consider the graduate's future plans and what they might need. Are they taking some time off? Going on to further studies? Trying to get a job? Getting married? That will give you some clues as to what they can use and might enjoy.

Give what you can to help a graduate with what they need to achieve their goals. Many graduates may have big-ticket items in mind. Remember that meaningful is best, and that you also need to stick to what you can afford.

You can create a "dream kit" of items related to a graduate's dream. The kit can include items that will help a graduate achieve their goal or pursue an interest. For example, if they want to learn to fly, include an aviator jacket, a book about flight, even flying lessons. If they want to travel, give a set of luggage, travel books, and perhaps airline tickets, a tour package, or a European train pass.

Here are other top grad gifts as identified by graduates and their families:

• Money – the number one gift that fits all! It's not cold and heartless; in fact, it can be quite the opposite. You remember what it was like starting out, when money was tight, don't you? A meaningful, fun gift set might consist of a sum of money accompanied with a fake $1 million bill as a wish for future riches and a financial book with practical advice on saving and investing. The money you give can be designated for a specific purpose, like recreation, travel, or tuition.
  
  
• In the same vein as money, buy some savings bonds or stocks. For a more symbolic gesture, give a single stock in a well-known company like Disney, DreamWorks, Nike, Coke, or McDonald's. Visit www.oneshare.com for framed stock certificates for popular companies.
  
  
• Gift certificates for a graduate's favorite restaurants can be an appreciated gift for those continuing on in their studies. Students usually don't have the time or skill to cook a lot. Going out can provide a much needed break and some essential nourishment.
  
  
• A new or used car. Keep in mind the cost of upkeep and insurance though; if you're able, you may want to help out with these costs for a specified period of time.
  
  
• A laptop computer fully loaded with appropriate software.
  
  
• A small TV, microwave, digital camera, or DVD player/recorder.
  
  
• A set of kitchen bowls, plates, and small kitchen appliances like a toaster.
  
  
• A cell phone with an annual calling plan.
  
  
• Jewelry – an elegant necklace or pair of earrings for a young woman, or a watch or ring for a young man.
  
  
• Monogrammed sheets and towels, along with a good pillow.
  
  
• A desk set consisting of a good pen and pencil, a bill and checkbook holder, a letter opener, and other items useful for someone just starting out and managing their own affairs. Include some stationery and stamps to encourage letters home, an address book, and a calendar with family birthdays and other events written in.
  
  
• A tool kit, with basic tools for everything from hanging a picture to doing a quick fix on an automobile.
  
  
• A quality backpack, with some goodies inside like a change caddy, a calculator, and pocket dictionary.
  

To create a memorable experience around the giving of a graduation gift, share a "dream day" full of activities, like shopping, going to a sports event or the spa, and a nice dinner or lunch. Have "gift stops" along the way to present gifts. The gifts will evoke even more memories every time the graduate looks at them!

A final warning: Inspired by Dream, many people have asked about naming a star for a graduate. My advice: don't do it! It's tempting to think about buying a star, and there are plenty of companies on the Internet eager to take your money. At least half a dozen companies are offering to attach names to stars. They make the designations seem official, and mail you a fancy certificate and directions for locating the newly named point of light. Their promotional strategies range from harmlessly playful to bordering on fraudulent. It's a novelty gift and you really don't get much more than a very expensive piece of paper. Only the International Astronomical Union (IAU) has the right to officially name celestial objects. It does so for scientific purposes only and does not recognize any commercial naming systems. For more information, visit www.space.com and www.iau.org.

And Don't Forget...

For the graduate receiving gifts – don't forget the thank you notes! Parents, grandparents, and family friends have given thought and taken their time to give you something special and meaningful. All the gifts you receive should be promptly acknowledged with a handwritten note commenting on the gift and expressing your appreciation.

After the rite of passage has been experienced, the gifts received and acknowledged, and the milestone passed, the graduate sets off on a new stage of life. As the last page in Dream reminds us:

Look up, up, up
into those billion billion sparkling stars.
What dreams do you find?
Little dreams, big dreams,
each a hope looking for a life to make it real –
a life like yours.